


I've been holding back tears while you're throwing back beers

by far away and home made (stillinblossom)



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Brief mentions of panic attacks, I'll add tags as we go, I'm too old for this shit, M/M, Slow Burn, That makes sense right, alternative alex manes, angsty fluff and fluffy angst, frat boy michael guerin, this only came to be due to those flashback scenes with michael wearing his stupid cap backwards
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:40:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27650803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillinblossom/pseuds/far%20away%20and%20home%20made
Summary: "He should’ve realised, really. While Michael wasn’t wearing anything that definitely tied him to a frat, neither this one nor any other, his overall appearance definitely fit with the stereotype, down to the open-sided tank top and hat worn backwards. Alex was surprised and annoyed with himself in equal measures for being instantly and deeply attracted to it all, now that he didn’t have to focus all of his thoughts on getting enough oxygen down his lungs."
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 25
Kudos: 79





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's 2020 (enough said) and I just started therapy which has brought a lot of stuff up and basically I just felt that I needed to write this very non-profound AU. 
> 
> All I know about frats in the US I've seen on trope-y movies and tv-shows, so keep that in mind maybe?
> 
> It's 3.30AM as I post this so I'll probably read through it tomorrow and find a bunch of mistakes. Sorry about that. With that said, hope you enjoy.

Alex glanced down at his watch, sighing when he realised that less than five minutes had passed since he last looked. Still, that made Kyle officially ten minutes late to meeting him – after _he_ had been the one begging Alex to come with him to this party. A party being held at one of the fraternity houses that Alex had had no intentions of ever visiting. He’d gone more than three months at UNM without stepping foot in any of the admittedly prestigious frats, and he would’ve gladly gone another three months – or a year, or two– without changing that fact. He fought back a shiver and put his hands deep in the pockets of his worn leather jacket. His night had barely even started and already he felt cold, stupid and vaguely panicked, like he was knowingly walking into a trap. He tried not to pay attention to the looks he was getting from other students who passed him by in groups, their merry drunkenness making Alex feel almost painfully sober. He was just contemplating if another five minutes of waiting would let him off the hook and allow him to return to his dorms when he heard the sound of feet slapping against the pavement behind him.  
  
“Sorry, sorry. Have you waited long?” Kyle asked breathlessly as he pulled Alex into a quick half-hug.  
He had clearly been running most of the way here, but all it seemingly did was deepen the flush high on his sharp cheekbones that the cold would’ve put there anyway. Alex just shrugged, knowing Kyle was well aware he would’ve arrived 30 minutes or more ahead of their scheduled time but was gracious enough not to mention the mechanisms behind it.  
  
“Remind me why I’m here again?” Alex muttered instead.  
  
“Because Isobel Evans invited me and told me to bring a friend. You’re that friend.” Kyle said patiently, like they hadn’t had this discussion already.  
  
“And why couldn’t Liz be that friend?” Alex asked, hearing the petulance in his own voice and hating it.  
  
“Because Liz has a late shift tonight. And also, you need this Alex. You can’t just spend all your time studying and nothing else, even a genius like you need a break sometimes.” Kyle put his hand around the back of Alex’s elbow and squeezed lightly, giving his silent support but also urging Alex to fall into step as he started walking up the path to the frat house. Alex steeled himself with every step, trying not to think about why other people’s idea of fun felt like walking into a nightmare for him.  
  
“If Isobel Evans was the one to invite you, why are we at this frat party and not at her sorority’s party?” Alex distracted himself by asking as they entered through the door and was met by the mass of bodies.  
  
“Apparently her brother is in this frat.” Kyle answered over his shoulder. He was already searching the crowd, no doubt looking for the head of blonde hair and perfectly chiseled face of Isobel Evans.  
  
“Max Evans is in a frat?” Alex was surprised, he’d crossed paths with Max Evans in the arts departments a few times, and he never would’ve had him down as someone in a frat.  
  
“Nah, her other brother.” Kyle said distractedly before grabbing Alex’s wrist and dragging him towards the corner of the room that housed the booze.

\---------

Things surprisingly went alright for the first hour. Alex managed to push down the majority of his feelings of dread by mostly going where Kyle went. In turn he did feel a little pathetic, like Kyle’s decidedly less cool friend who followed him around like a shadow, but hadn’t he always? The alcohol also helped. The first beer had warmed him up from the inside, and the second had made it easier not to flinch away from any accidental contact made between him and other people milling around the limited space. After the third beer he’d even managed to have an interesting conversation with a computer science major with whom he’d shared space in the computer labs during several long nights but never exchanged words with before. He’d looked at Alex like he was actually interested in what he had to say, and not like he was looking for an out or for a way to turn the conversation around on Alex and leave him humiliated and confused. Not that he’d ever admit it to Kyle, but maybe he had been right; maybe Alex did need this, and maybe things were different here. Maybe _he_ could be different here in a way that Roswell had never allowed him to. With that thought, he decided to throw the last bit of caution to the wind at the same time that he threw back the shots that someone had put in his hand. The center of the room had turned into a makeshift dancefloor and he let the mass of bodies drag him along, allowing himself to feel like he belonged for once.

\---------

Alex was starting to feel a little woozy. The previously comfortable warmth and buzz of the alcohol was starting to feel feverish and the push and pull of the crowd around him that he, despite himself, had found comfort in for a while felt stifling once again. He caught sight of a door of the side of the room and started to make his way there, having to stop, start and step around people multiple times as he tried to keep the feeling of panic from taking over. Focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, he reached the door and slipped inside, closing it softly behind him and taking a second to lean against it and try to find his bearings. With his eyes closed, he started listing sensations in his head. The door was hard and smooth against his back, and his t-shirt a little sweat-sticky where it clung to his skin around the collar. His nails were biting into the palm of his hand when he alternated between opening and closing his fist. His eyes flew open when he suddenly heard someone clear their throats. He hadn’t really paid attention to where he’d ended up, but he quickly realised that he was in a kitchen, and he wasn’t alone. 

“You alright?” a guy at the other end of the room asked with what could’ve been genuine concern, Alex wasn’t sure.  
  
“Yeah, I just…” Alex trailed of, feeling out of breath and lightheaded. This was why he’d been stupid to think that anything could be different. As he grappled with the next few words, he saw the guy push off of the kitchen island he had been leaning against, grabbing two bottles of water from the countertop and gesturing for Alex to follow him. When Alex didn’t make a move to follow him the guy rolled his eyes but didn’t look put out. He walked up to Alex and reached out for him with his free hand, and for a panicked half second Alex thought he’d grab him bodily. Instead he was mindful to only grab the sleeve of Alex’s leather jacket and giving it a soft pull. Alex was relieved, with the fragile grasp he had of his panic right now he didn’t think he’d react well to touch. 

Alex was being pulled along and lead through a corridor and out onto a back porch. Despite the large crowd inside, only a handful of people were milling around in the garden, smoking and talking quietly amongst their groups. Suddenly the guy came to a stop at the end of the steps leading down to the garden, and Alex just barely had time to stop himself from crashing into the man.  
“Sit down.” The guy said, nodding at the top of the stairs. Dazed, Alex did as he was told without questioning it.  
  
“Are you having a panic attack? Cause if you are, head between your knees.”  
Alex took a few steadying breaths before shaking his head. The cool air helped him clear his head, and as he counted his breaths in and out a few times he felt some of the panic dissipate.  
  
“No, I think I’m good.” He managed eventually.  
The guy nodded thoughtfully, thrusting one of the water bottles towards Alex as an afterthought. He lowered himself to sit beside Alex on the stairs, facing towards him by leaning against the railing.  
  
“I’m Michael Guerin.” He said after uncapping his own water bottle and taking a swig.  
  
“Alex Manes.” Alex muttered, choosing to keep his eyes trained ahead instead of turning towards Michael. He felt stupid and exposed, unsure of what the guy was doing staying with him. Maybe he felt obligated to stay with the weird kid having an almost-panic attack in the kitchen of a frat house.  
  
“I saw you throwing back shots in there. You’re gonna have a hell of a hangover tomorrow.”  
Alex chanced a look at Michael who was smirking at him, but he noted that he still didn’t look unkind or put out.  
  
“Yeah, me and everyone else in there” Alex added dryly, which made Michael huff a small laugh.  
  
“Me being the exception.” When Alex raised an eyebrow in question he added, “I live here, so I have a vested interest in not seeing the place trashed. My frat brothers didn’t seem to have the same idea though, so I thought I’d be the responsible one just this once.”  
Definitely obliged then, Alex thought with the smallest pang of disappointment. Of course, Michael didn’t want to risk him passing out or being sick in the house. He should’ve realised, really. While Michael wasn’t wearing anything that definitely tied him to a frat, this one or any other, his overall appearance definitely fit with the stereotype, down to the open-sided tank top and hat worn backwards. Alex was surprised and annoyed with himself in equal measures for being instantly and deeply attracted to it all, now that he didn’t have to focus all of his thoughts on getting enough oxygen down his lungs. Alex nodded absentmindedly and they both fell into momentary silence. He took another deep pull from the bottle before standing up a little unsteadily. Michael was quickly at his feet too, his arm outstretched for a moment, as if he was ready to support Alex had he needed it, before he let it fall to his side again.  
  
“I’m gonna head home,” Alex got out abruptly. Michael frowned.  
  
“Did you come here with someone? Can they take you home?”  
  
“Yeah, I came here with Kyle. He’s a med student,” Alex added uselessly.  
  
“Valenti?” Michael asked, looking surprised.  
  
“Yeah, how’d you know? You two know each other?”  
  
“No, not really. Just sort of... know of him, I guess. You want me to go find him for you? That way you don’t have to go in there again if you don’t want to.”  
Alex was once again taken aback by the care Michael gave him, seemingly with no ulterior motive. He shook his head however.  
  
“No, I’ll just text him to meet me out front. Thanks for-” he stopped himself, unsure what the appropriate words was for the situation. “- the water, and all,” he finished somewhat lamely. Michael just nodded and smiled.  
  
“Bye Alex!” he called after him, and Alex left confused and possibly stupid but no longer cold.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and kinds words on the first chapter. I was super pleasantly surprised since I wasn't very pleased with it myself. But I do like writing this universe.
> 
> Again posting this right after I've finished writing it way too late at night.
> 
> Lastly I forgot to say that the title is a line from the song "July" by Noah Cyrus, it's lovely and I recommend listening to it!

Alex woke up slowly, feeling confused about what had pulled him from sleep. He was teetering on the edge of sleep again when he pinpointed the sound that had woken him as that of his phone vibrating in quick succession. His stomach was rolling uncomfortably from last night’s liqueur and he took a minute to try to fight off the uncomfortable feeling of having been woken up from a particularly deep sleep. When he picked his phone up it showed three missed calls and more text messages than he bothered to count, all of them from Kyle. The first slew had come in between 2 and 3am, all wondering where he had gone. The last text simply said, _“Isobel heard you left”_ , that he hoped Alex was okay and to call him if not. Alex almost rolled his eyes when he saw the time, barely past 9am, at which Kyle was apparently up and running and texting him incessantly about breakfast. Sometimes Alex was sure that Kyle wasn’t human, and this was one of these times. He reluctantly agreed to meet at the diner, only because he knew Kyle wouldn’t take no for an answer.

As Alex got dressed his thoughts strayed to his meeting with Michael more than once, and each time he squashed down the stupid little tendrils of hope it brought with increasingly steely resolve. He’d learn to encase any hope in concrete, where it couldn’t be reached, by him or by others. Alex had been hopeful before, and it had hurt, both figuratively and literally. He used to have hope, but he’d had that beaten out of him. 

Before he left his dorm room, he threw a look in the full-length mirror. Some part of him still expected to see what Kyle had affectionally named _Roswell Alex_. Gone was the boldly printed sweaters, the spikey hair dyed black and the thick lines of eyeliner from his high school days. He had kept some of the edges, but he’d let others soften a bit into something more understated once he wasn’t dressing so much for shock value but more for himself. His septum piercing had stayed and most days he would carefully line his eyes with a little bit of eyeliner. But he’d let his hair grow out and fade into its natural dark brown color, and the soft, emerald sweater he wore under his leather jacket _Roswell Alex_ wouldn’t have been caught dead in a year prior.

The diner that Liz worked at which they had turned into their regular hangout spot was a brisk 20-minute walk away from campus. Liz often and loudly complained about them making her spend even more time there on top of her frequent shifts, but they all knew it was mostly for show. Liz had spent every minute not studying working at her father’s diner in Roswell, and she missed both more than she wanted to let on. The old and friendly owner of the Moon River diner had quickly become a sort of substitute dad for them all, Liz more than any of them. 

Alex noticed Michael through the diner's window before he noticed Kyle, despite his back being turned to Alex. There was no mistaking the messy curls hidden under the backwards cap, the same he had been wearing last night. Opposite Michael, next to Kyle, was Isobel Evans. Alex felt his heart pound. He couldn’t help feeling like Kyle had let him walk into a trap, inviting him there with no mention that Isobel Evans and some random frat guy was going to be crashing their breakfast. He was considering turning around when his phone vibrated in his pocket with another text. _“You better not have gone back to sleep”_ it simply said. Alex took a deep breath and pushed open the door to the diner. The chime of the bell over the door and the comforting smell of coffee and grease almost knocked him over momentarily. Kyle looked up from his phone and enthusiastically waved at Alex, as if he wouldn’t think to look for him at their usual corner booth. But then Michael turned around and gave Alex a soft smile, and Alex had to focus on putting one foot in front of the other and not give in to the impulsive of turning around and fleeing the place. 

“Hi” he said quietly as he sat down beside Michael. Everyone greeted him and Isobel gave him a warm smile. He risked a glance at Michael and saw that his smile seemed to have dimmed slightly by Alex cool demeanor.

“Alex, you’ve met Isobel, and this is her brother Michael Guerin.” Kyle said quickly, trying to cover the moment of awkwardness.  
Her brother. Michael Guerin from last night is Isobel Evans’ _brother_. Another reason Michael could’ve felt obliged to be nice to Alex last night. He might’ve known Alex was Kyle’s tag-along friend, and since everyone with eyes could see that Kyle and Isobel had something brewing between them, he might’ve wanted to feel him out as one of Kyle’s friends. Alex felt nauseous, and it wasn’t just the hangover anymore. 

“Yeah, we met briefly at the party last night.” Michael said. Alex was afraid he’d say something else about the circumstances under which they met, but Michael went to study the menu in front of him instead. As Kyle and Isobel started to talk quietly among themselves, Alex did the same even though he knew the menu by heart at this point.

“So, what’s good here? Kyle says you come here a lot?” 

Michael said, and Alex almost flinched, he had been so deep in his own spinning thoughts. He cleared his throat.

“I always get the Eggs Royale and a black coffee. But Kyle swears by their breakfast burger, and Liz usually just goes with scrambled eggs and a fruit salad.”

Michael nodded, and when Mr Saverno came to pick up their order shortly thereafter he ordered the Eggs Royale with a cup of tea, throwing Alex a wink in the process. 

The breakfast dragged on, Isobel and Kyle being too caught up in each other to engage in much conversation with the whole table. Alex had a hard time trying not to fidget, and he knew that his answers to Michael’s questions were stilted at best, and downright curt at worst. Michael didn’t stop smiling, but it started to look more and more strained over time. Finally, Alex deemed it to be enough, and he made an excuse that he needed to get back to studying that Kyle and Isobel only briefly acknowledged. Michael, however, stood up after Alex and offered to walk back to campus with him. Since there wasn’t really a viable way to say no to that, Alex nodded and fell into step with Michael after he’d said his goodbyes. They walked in silence for a little while, but Alex could tell that Michael was about to say something. In the corner of his eye he noticed him seemingly gearing up once, twice before he suddenly stopped walking and said Alex’s name softly. Alex turned towards Michael, dreading what was to come.

“Look, if I did something that was out of line last night, I’m sorry. Just tell me what and I won’t do it again. I know I can be a bit… much, sometimes” Michael said, sticking his hands in the pockets of his worn jeans. 

Whatever Alex had been expecting, that wasn’t it. But before he could find his bearings and respond, Michael continued.

“And if you’re like, feeling embarrassed or whatever, then don’t. Trust me, I’m in no place to judge you. Not that I would, either way.” He rushed to add. “And if you simply don’t like me, then that’s cool too. Though we should probably learn to get along to some extent, since that is happening” he said, nodding his head back towards the diner. Then he started walking again, pulling Alex out from his stunned silence and forcing him to rush to fall into step again. 

“Thanks. I mean, for not judging. A lot of people do.” He said finally. 

“I know, and that sucks. _People_ suck, sometimes.” Michael said empathically. 

“Yeah. They do.” Alex said quietly. “And I don’t dislike you, or anything. I guess I just expected you to be different.” 

“Because I’m in a frat?” 

“Yeah.”

“How’s stereotypes working out for you, Alex?” Michael asked, looking Alex right in his eyes. His words weren’t unkind, but they had an unmistakable edge to them.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Alex said, embarrassment burning high in his cheeks. Something in Michael's eyes softened and he shook his head, the soft smile from before back again. 

“No, you’re fine. I guess we’re all wired to fall back on stereotypes every now and then. What do you say we really lean into them for a bit?” 

As quickly as the steely look had come over Micahel, it was replaced by a definite twinkle in his eye instead. Alex couldn’t help but smile. 

“What are you suggesting?” 

“I assume something about you, based on what little I can gather from you,” Michael made a sweeping gesture indicating Alex’s person, “You tell me if I’m right or wrong.” 

Alex nodded, feeling like maybe this could potentially be a minefield but also feeling Michael’s enthusiasm pulling him in. 

“You’re studying arts of some sort.” Michael started, sounding sure of himself. 

“Oh come on, that’s too broad!” Alex protested. 

“Fine, music then.” 

“That’s one of my majors, yes.” Alex grimaced, a little peeved that Michael had been correct with his first assumption. But the excited fist pump Michael made had him biting back a laugh. 

“Double major, huh? What’s your other one?” Michael asked with a smug smile. 

“I didn’t hear an assumption in there.” Alex said primly.  


“Fine,” Michael rolled his eyes, “your second major is in theatre.” 

“Nope. Not even close." Alex said, grimacing at the idea. "It's computer engineering.” 

“Really? That’s an interesting combination.” Michael said, sounding genuinely interested. “Okay then, your turn.”

“You’re studying either law or management” Alex said after a moment of consideration.

“Oh, so ‘art is too broad’ a guess, but you get two options, huh?” Michael teased. 

“Fine, law then.” Alex laughed.

“Nah, you’re way off. I’m doing mechanical engineering.” 

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah, I guess we complement each other well. You’re software, I’m hardware.

Michael said, throwing another wink Alex's way.

Alex tried not to blush at the implications, and shot off his next assumption in a bid to distract from the blush he could feel coming on. They kept this up the rest of the way back to campus, firing off assumptions raging from probable to ridiculous, faking outrage at some that were far off and admitting being impressed by others that hit closer to home. Before Alex knew it, they were outside of his dorms and they came to a standstill. 

“Give me your phone.” Michael said, and Alex was too stunned to question why or resist. “This way we can text each other and complain about Isobel and Kyle being disgustingly in love and rubbing it in our sad, single faces." Michael said with an eye-roll. "At least this sad single face.” Michael added, pointed at his own smiling face and handing Alex's phone back, having texted himself to save Alex’s number on his phone. 

“See you around, Alex.” Michael said, walking backwards a few steps before turning his back. Alex just lamely raised his hand and waved at him, feeling the tendrils of hope pushing against their concrete barriers.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sort of a middle-chapter, but I think it's needed as it's going to tie into Alex's backstory. Hopefully it's not too boring. I promise there'll be more Alex/Michael in future chapters! x

Over the following month, Alex’s workload seemed to double. After the introduction courses the teachers seemed to really double down, seemingly trying to separate the wheat from the chaff. Even so, Alex couldn’t remember feeling this _right_. Though expectations were high, Alex felt good, because finally people expected something of him and didn’t seem to walk away disappointed from the interaction. The TA in one of his coding classes had recommended Alex for a sort of freelance coding job for a start-up firm, and while it meant putting in a couple more hours of work a week, he was thrilled to do it. 

Despite becoming increasingly busy, Alex realised that he was slowly, little by little, coming out of the self-imposed isolation he had put himself into at the start of the year. Kyle and Isobel had moved on from the undefined state of “will they, won’t they” and firmly into the “newly dating and disgustingly cute” state that Michael had predicted and then proceeded to complain loudly about, and even though Kyle occasionally looked a little worn out from keeping up with his medical studies and university life Alex was pleased to note that he also looked happier and more carefree in her company. The unmistakable sad and worried look that Kyle had had for months when he looked at Alex, pleaded with Alex, was also starting to appear less frequently. Alex wasn’t sure if he was simply too smitten for it, or if he too had noticed a change in Alex, but regardless he was happy to see less of it. Even though Kyle meant well, it made Alex feel guilty and a little ill at the thought that he was the one putting the expression on his face.

And Michael – Michael had wormed his way into his life in a way that was surprisingly hard for Alex to ward off. Not for lack of trying; he’d initially given Michael pretty much all the excuses in the book without having to outright lie. The one that he’d been sure would work was that Alex was on a scholarship that wouldn’t let him slip up even a little. “Me too,” was Michael’s only reply before he suggested weekly study sessions on their shared time off class. “Just studying, no fucking around” he promised and widened his eyes in the innocent way that was the complete opposite of any other patented Michael Guerin look – of which there were many – yet completely earnest. 

Michael turned out to be a dedicated – not to mention brilliant – student and a surprisingly pleasant study buddy. Whether they were holed up in Alex’s single dorm room, in one of the libraries or, less frequently, in Michael’s room at the frat house, they got things done. Often silently, side by side, but occasionally with the help of the other. Michael became Alex’s sounding board for his music assignments, and their different branches of engineering occasionally proved helpful in finding workarounds when one of them had hit a wall. And as they were both prone to lose track of time when buried in their work, they soon realised the benefit of surfacing at different times and making the other take the occasional much-needed break. 

\--------

Alex was walking back from the Moon River diner late one night with Liz when she put words to the fragile thing that Alex had tried so hard not to, in fear that it would somehow slip through his fingers by doing so. 

“You and Guerin seem chummy these days” she said, probably going for breezy but missing the mark by a mile. Alex rolled his eyes and kicked at a few early autumn leaves littering the sidewalk. 

“So do you and Max,” he responded dryly, hoping that Liz would lose the thread of what was clearly the beginning of a questionnaire, likely put together by Liz and Maria over a phone call. 

“Yeah, don’t change the subject, Manes.” 

“He’s Isobel’s brother. He’s alright.” 

“The reason you’re hanging out with him alone is because his sister is dating Kyle? Sure. Try again.” She huffed in disbelief, not allowing the conversation to derail for a second.

“He’s smart, he studies damn hard and he likes that I have a single dorm room to study in. It’s a lot more quiet than the frat house and more comfortable than the library. It works” he shrugged, feeling the claws of anxiety tearing at his insides. He didn’t want to look more into it, couldn’t look more into it than that.

“I’m sure it’s the single dorm room he likes” Liz said dryly, and Alex could practically hear her rolling her eyes despite staring straight ahead. 

“Liz, stop it.” He said, and she must’ve heard something in his voice because she fell quiet for a little while. The only sound their footsteps echoing in between the buildings on the empty street. 

“I’m sorry Alex. I didn’t mean to pry. You just deserve something good, okay?” she said gently after a while, reaching out and squeezing Alex’s hand softly. “We’re just nosy because we care, okay?” 

“Yeah, I know. But it _is_ good. It’s as good as it can get, okay. I’m away from my dad, I’m studying things that I love, I have you and Kyle and Maria in my life. Maybe to some extent I even have Isobel, Max and Michael. That’s more than enough. Probably more than I’ve ever had.”

“Okay,” she said, squeezing his hand again where their swinging between them. “Okay. Just promise me that you won’t close yourself off from something good just because you think you don’t deserve it, Alex.”

“There’s nothing _to_ close myself off from, Liz. Michael is a flirt, but his reputation precedes him. He’s straight. And as into me as, say, Kyle.” Alex said with steely conviction.

“If you say so.” Liz said, sounding doubtful. “But still, promise me?” she insisted. 

Alex sighed, pulled Liz in by her hand and pressed a kiss to her temple. 

“I promise you,” he murmured against her skin. Unsure if he believed himself and sure that she did not. 

\-------

It wasn’t like Liz’s doubt had rubbed off on Alex, but he was still feeling a little shaken and rubbed raw after their conversation. Everything seemed to chafe and itch and stretch uncomfortably over his bones, his clothes and skin alike. The feeling hadn’t gone away during all of the morning after, and he found his concentration slipping away from him several times during a class that would usually keep him firmly focused and interested. 

By the time he was to meet up with Michael for their scheduled study session, Alex felt off kilter and unsure in a way he hadn’t since the early weeks of their maybe-friendship. Michael carried the conversation almost all the way from the computer science building, where he was waiting for Alex, to the frat house. In between stories about Kyle and Isobel barely being able to keep their hands off of each other (“I swear it felt like I was right there in the bedroom with them with the way they were eye fucking each other, Alex! It was traumatic!”) and complaints about a particularly uninspiring professor, Alex thought he got away with it until he suddenly realised that Michael was quiet and studying him intently.

“Huh? Sorry, I didn’t catch that?” Alex pushed out, trying to laugh it off. 

“You seem off. Are you feeling okay?” 

“Yeah, of course. Just a weird day, is all,” Alex smiled, but it was small and _not enough_ and probably unconvincing. 

“If you’d rather not deal with the frat house today, I get it. We could always go back to yours instead. Or just do this another day, if you prefer?”

Suddenly Alex felt like crying. Michael was nice and caring and seemed to give a shit about him, for whatever reason. With Liz’s voice ringing in his ears about him deserving something good, he instead gave in to the clawing monster in his belly and nodded. Told Michael that yes, maybe that would be best. Maybe he was coming down with something and should take an early night.

“Okay. I hope you feel better in the morning.” Michael said, with a furrowed brow and kind eyes. Alex tried to smile and quietly thanked Michael. Taking a few steps backwards before turning around – always taking steps backwards.


End file.
